


No Handlebars

by ngm



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman (Movies 1989-1997), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, The Batman (Cartoon), The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Anal, Enemies to Lovers, Identity Reveal, M/M, Oral, Pent Up Feelings, Tied To A Chair Trope, Tsundere Bruce, bottoming from top, continuation to a comic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:18:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ngm/pseuds/ngm
Summary: Set shortly after @gayforbatjokes' Strip Search Batjokes comic on her tumblr , where the Joker has (somehow, oh no!) apprehended Batman and tied him to a chair in retaliation for a fairly satisfying cavity search the week before.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bernieloverstuff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bernieloverstuff/gifts).



> So, this is the image that goes along with this gem -- 
> 
> https://gayforbatjokes.tumblr.com/image/159227598083

"Hnngh." Was the noise that crept out of Batman's mouth as he began to stir. The first thing he noted was the dull throb in his head, the mild ache that matched with his heartbeat. The next was that he was restrained. Great.  

 

 

 

The next thing that he realized was the tinny sounds of the Three Penny Opera tittering on what sounded like a phonograph... That could only mean one thing. 

"Jo--"

"Well well _wellllllll!_ Look who's up!" the Clown tittered with an interruption, his voice coming from somewhere behind the Bat. 

Bruce bristled but forced himself not to show any outward signs of tensing... But... He swallowed, eyes shutting beneath his cowl as he willed the memories away of how... _ugh_... His face felt hot and Batman reflexively flexed his fingers from where they were tied behind his back in this simple chair. It would be easy to break this chair-- he could tell as he sat back, but the Joker had been getting really adept at tying him up. Like he'd been paying a little too much attention. 

"Untie me, Joker, I don't have time for this," Batman growled, opening his eyes and regretting it instantly as the tall cretin stood posed in front of him, hands on his narrow hips and his squared shoulders tilted back, as if he was laughing with his body but not yet his mouth. 

"OHhhohohoh, Batsy, do _I_ have news for _you_!" 

The Joker grinned and clapped his gloved hands together, his head tipping to the side as he decided to pluck them off of his fingers, pulling them off with his teeth as he advanced on the prone man. 

"Since you liked what you saw so much LAST time..." The clown muttered, taking both of the discarded gloves and slapping the Batman against his jaw. Surely, it didn't hurt, but it was certainly annoying. 

Bruce let out an irritated growl at that. He did NOT like that. He'd had to go... STRAIGHT home and get in the shower and try not shove the same fingers that had been up this stupid, crass idiot's ass into his own...  And he couldn't resist after he'd been gripping his embarrassingly hard cock in the shower, shoulder hunched to bear his weight against the wall as he tried to get himself off, like a desperate, wanton teenager. 

Just being reminded of his pitiful, weak indiscretion made the Batman's face flush murderously dark under his cowl and another angry sounding growl left him. 

"When I get out of this chair, Joker, I am going to pound you into the ground!!!" Bruce frothed out, hands clenched into fists as the lanky tease closed the distance and straddled the Batman's lap. 

"Countin' on it, big boy." 

Bruce's head rolled back and he glowered up from under his cowl at the obnoxiously fond look on the Joker's face and looked away immediately. It... would be easier to cope with all of this if it were all base. If it was just... Not anything more than physical need... then there was probably some way that he could justify it... but the way the Joker looked at him and had been looking at him for the past goddamn AGE told him otherwise. 

"Get off." 

"I'm tryin' Batsy..." the clown purred, settling on those thighs as he pulled at his tie, lips pursing at the infuriated look on Batman's face. 

Aww... look at him. Look at him blushing. Joker dropped his tie to the floor, leaning closer, chest to that broad, leather covered one and his mouth pressed against where an ear would be on any average human being, through the cowl. He was about to say something, but a breath mingled with a _'hahhh_ ' of a laugh left him as he felt the heat of the other man and through his mediocre codpiece no less. 

His smug comment stifled for a moment, the Joker folded his arms around the Bat's shoulders, hanging his head a bit as he gave himself a moment to collect his bearings-- yes, he was fucking with Batman but he was struggling to keep from being deliriously excited... Oh, he'd been restless since their last meeting and had already pre-emptively lubed himself-- he had plans. 

Bruce did tense this time, his eyes shutting as he let himself enjoy the weight, the heat-- hell, even the smell of the other man. His jaw was tense and he sucked in a sharp breath as the clown shifted back down on his lap again.

"Y'know... it'd be easy to just... take this off..." Joker breathed against the place where skin and cowl met on the Batman's cheek, his tongue snaking between the rubber and detective's skin. 

The prone man let out a gasped sort of noise, leaning away from the bizarre touch though it sent another jolt of excitement down to his already extraordinarily hard prick. He'd almost rather the clown take off his mask and get distracted by that then have to confront the fact that he wanted this so bad. 

Or the fact that he'd started wearing the 'Simple Suits' for no good reasons. Or that he didn't have to... **at all** , do a cavity search on the clown. That he definitely didn't need to take _OFF_ his gloves before doing it. That he had to flee like a horny teenaged boy who didn't know what to do with the divining rod between his thighs as the Joker laughed at and mocked him. 

"But you probably aren't into that as much as I am... right _Bruce_?" The Joker purred against his cheek again, pulling back enough to watch the greatest detective's mouth fall open for a moment before snapping shut, jaw clenching. 

Like hell was going to even respond to that. 

But he had and the clown let out a low, lascivious laugh as he returned his focus on unbuttoning his vest, which he left on and open, then began to thumb his buttons out of their eyelets, making a little _'ooh_ ' or _'ahh'_ in faux amazement as he continued to entertain himself. 

Bruce was infuriated, seething and now feeling quite nauseous as he steeled himself. How... did the Joker know? Was he that obvious? Had he not been the most careful man in the entire world when hiding who he truly was? 

"Pay _attention._ " The Joker growled out, bare hand slapping a little harder at that cheek and he forced the detective's head up and up his head went, obediently. 

 

Oooh.... that was promising. 

 

The clown shouldered his suspenders down, his shirt and vest dropping off one arm as he reached up to hold Batman's chin, force him to look him in the eye. He'd had a thing for Bruce Wayne, that big, tall, dopey-looking drink of water... and coincidentally he looked a lot like his Batman... Hmm. Though, having a healthy mental illness and a penchant for being lascivious only helped him put the pieces together. 

"C'mon... let me see those baby blues..." Joker purred, switching hands as he went to pry at the cowl, shifting his other arm down so the rest of the cloth slipped to the floor of the safehouse before he went to grasp at Batman's face with both, big hands. 

Bruce made a noise of struggle, "Stop it." Growling out of his mouth but he didn't turn his head, he didn't do much of anything to resist... he couldn't.... and he didn't fucking want to anymore. Last week had been too much, he'd felt consumed with the criminal, especially after being able to really feel the man's ah... heart beat after their last encounter. 

"Can't stop it, you know that, Bats..." The Joker exhaled, his fingers flexing with anticipation against the edge of Batman's cowl and he let out a shudder, looking down his bare chest and abdomen, down to the bunch of fabric tented over his cock. "Wouldn't stop, if I could..." He whispered against the side of the man's mouth, eyes shutting as he arched his back, arched his hips, his whole body forward, disengaging that cowl and dropping it heavily to the floor. 

Joker didn't open his eyes yet, letting his hands slide across the sweat-dampened skin and bit his bottom lip as he felt his Batman's jaw clench reflexively. Big, pale fingers slid into the disheveled, dark hair and the clown finally opened his eyes and let out a pleased "HA!" at the already blown look on Bruce's face. 

"My _GOD_ , aren't you a gift..." The green haired man murmured, licking his own bottom lip again and sucking it into his mouth as he worried the skin. Good god. **Good GOD**. He wasn't really a Ghost fearing fellow, but this might put the fear in him, this sight. Bruce's eyes were shut, brow furrowed as he squeezed.

Oh... fuck. 

Bruce's eyes snapped open and he tried his damnedest to stare into the other man's smiling face--  but-- he wasn't smiling... the Joker was staring down like he wanted to do all of the things and the detective couldn't hold his gaze, wincing with weakness as the Joker palmed his face, his hair. This was too much.  he couldn't NOT lean into the touch.  

"St...stop..." He exhaled but didn't expect that outcome, a ragged breath drawing from him as he felt too hot, too exposed, too restrained, too vulnerable, too... everything. 

"Nuh-uh..." The clown breathed right back, a thumb grazing over the Batman's mouth and he pressed forward suddenly, putting his red lips against that perpetual pout. 

He wasn't let down as the Batman tipped his head back and to the side, then leaned into the touch, his breath shuddering past his lips in the moment that they'd pulled their mouths apart before the Joker grasped his cheeks again and pulled him into another kiss, that nightmare-inducing tongue sliding dangerously deep into his mouth. 

_Ohhhh Goddddd_

Bruce let out a moan in his throat and the Joker felt like the 1,000,000th shopper at Lacey's, ticker tape and everything, the Batman wanted him so bad-- _SO BAD!_ School girl bad! Like, romance novel from the grocery store bad!!! It made him shudder with anticipation of what he was going to positively traumatize his Batman with. 

After all, at least the guy was getting kissed-- he'd gotten a few fingers up the ass and not even dinner! Hmm... he'd have to drop in on Bruce having dinner at some fancy digs and make good on a meal. Another time, another time! 

The clown was somehow, in his twisted mind, able to focus on trying to touch Bruce Wayne's uvula with the tip of his tongue, all while being somehow still able to unbutton his slacks and rip down the fly. To say he was ready was a total understatement... In fact, after he'd managed to capture his detective earlier in the evening, he'd HAD to rub one out and it had been the opportune time to re-live the agonizing pleasure of last week, fingers familiarly up his ass but they weren't the Bat's and for that, he felt lament. But not for long. 

The taller man pulled back, but not before sucking the Batman's upper lip into his mouth and biting on it as he met the vigilante's eyes. He watched with utter elation as those gorgeous blue eyes disappeared for a moment behind lust-flustered eyelashes and the Joker smirked, sliding heavily off of the man's lap. 

He was every bit as wound up, as hard, as bent into a grotesque heart shape, as Batman was and the green haired maniac waited (the two seconds) it took for Bruce to let out a noise of discontent, making sure his unmasked vigilante was staring right back at him. 

Bruce... really _was_ handsome, though... The Joker's nostrils flared as he sucked in a deep breath, his hands starting to shake as he pushed his slacks down his hips; corner of his mouth turned up as exposed his very Batman boxered dick and his smile went to full grin as he watched those smouldering eyes flick down his body and guiltily back to his face. 

"Don't worry, Batsy, it's all yours..." The clown murmured with a purse of his lips. "It practically has your name on it!" 

Batman was able to let out a groan at that, shaking his head a fraction at how this man was always able to say something stupid, it must be some kind of gift. 

"...Show me." He managed to growl out, wanting to be glowering at the other man, trying to come off as menacing as he could, strapped to this rickety chair. 

"Mmm, you first, Batboy. Show me what you're sporting, _I could go on with the baseball puns_..." The Joker purred into Bruce's ear before biting sharply on the outer shell and eliciting a surprised sound, which allowed the madman to unsheathe the tight little knife he'd had gartered to his left thigh and scrape the diamond-sharp blade in a thin line across the of the Batman's thighs, fileting open the spandex fabric. 

"Heeeeey, batter batter...!" 

Bruce had hardly felt the slice, but for the sound of the blade clattering to the floor caused him to dazedly lift his head, pulling his ear away from the tongue that was trying to slide inside. 

He'd have to watch that tongue. 

The clown grinned, glancing down at the space between their bodies, finally able to see a strip of flesh, Batman's heavy dick just barely contained in the strained fabric, thighs streaked with red and it took all of his will not to drop to his knees and--- _ya know what_. 

Another distressed noise left the tied up vigilante, arching in the chair as he felt the Joker's hands on his thighs, felt that tongue sliding from the outside of his leg towards his inner thigh... Hnnh.. why was he bleeding? 

Bruce shuddered as he looked down at that green head between his thighs, his now cock jumping towards the heat that the other man provided. Licking his lips, he anticipated that red mouth on his dick, he'd DREAMT of it (yeah, that had been a hard one to reconcile with... _the first few times_ ) and he barely kept a _'yesssss'_   from hissing out between his teeth as he felt the Joker's long nose nudge firmly against his shaft. 

BUT! This was the Joker! And as much as he would love to carry on with the sports talk, it was time to get down to business. As the clown straightened to stand, the boxers discarded and piled around his ankles on the floor. This left the lanky creature proudly in socks and sock garters, clasped around his calves and the leather knife holster that was fastened around his left thigh. 

At this moment, Bruce was reminded that he was still very much bodily restrained, his hands clenching into fists from where they were tied behind his back. He wanted to touch that body, grasp the loose strap of the knife holster and pull the Joker to him, into him, against him, anything. 

"Untie me." The Batman demanded, his prick standing up proudly between them, both men defiant still, in their own, exposed, dicks-out kind of way. 

"Mmmh... you know... I'd _**love**_  to do that Brucie, you do..." Joker purred, straddling that lap again and making a pleased noise at the incidental brush of their genitals. 

The graze caused the Batman to roll his head back with a groan, overstimulated. It probably, honestly, would be for the best if he'd stayed tied up... There was too good of a chance that he would acquiesce too easily to what the clown-- what he, what _they_ wanted.... He'd have to use his Bruce charm on the fool later, really fuck him up. 

"Hnnn..." 

Smiling radiantly, the Joker shifted closer, chest to Bruce's face and he tipped the uncowled mug up to his, dick pressed against the Batman's torso, the curve of his ass firmly against the other man's cock. 

"I want to touch you." Bruce breathed out, mustering one of those gorgeous looks that got panties wet and pants tented, that pretty-boy Wayne charm. 

"I want you to touch me, Bats..." The clown purred right back, patting that handsome face with a rough tap as he reached back and grasped the man's cock blindly. "Like last time..." He exhaled, thighs tensing a bit as he positioned his ass, keeping his gaze steady on the clearly disheveled vigilante. "From the inside..." 

That prep from earlier really was worth the feelings of being unfulfilled to have all these sensations flooding at him at this very moment. Both of the Joker's hands grasped at Batman's shoulders, the slide down the detective's thick dick was still a bit of a struggle, but it only took a few gasps of hesitation and reposition before the green haired maniac was seated on the restrained man, prick mashing at his prostate. Ohhhh, this was agony!!! 

Shiny black Sutor Mantellassi's planted on the floor, the clown let out a groan as he lifted himself up off of that body, arms folding behind his head as he stared down at his Batman as he shallowly fucked himself on the shorter man's shaft. His core muscles burned as much as the air coming in and out of his lungs, thighs tense but the look on his face was just so perfectly smug. 

"Aah... look Bats! No hands!" 

"Ughhhhhnnnn...." 

And Bruce was stunned and of course, mildly annoyed at the timing,  but his mouth had fallen wantonly open, any shred of sensibility and propriety gone as he pushed his hips higher, or tried to, buried in the silky warmth of this man he hated dearly. 

In fact... neither of them had the sense to keep up the game right now, the charade lost as they thrust together desperately-- Bruce was sure his arms would be bruised simply from how hard he was struggling against the ropes, too many goddamn ropes. He wanted to wrap his arms around this murderously devious cretin, hands on his bare skin, pulling at him. 

The detective bit down hard on his bottom lip as he met the Joker's powerful down thrusts, as desperate as he was before to get touched and be stimulated to now undo the clown who was riding him shamelessly. The green haired man was writhing, elation mingled with the strain of trying to hold onto this moment, trying to draw out this coupling for as long as he could. 

He hated how gorgeous this was, how much it made his abdomen tense, this unguarded look on the clown, all of the desire and anguish at having to give himself to his Batman. 

The Joker drew their heads together as he ground himself down, over and over, the edges of the Bat's utility belt grazing sharply against the shaft of his weeping prick. Maybe he should have untied one hand... but that was moot, the wincing friction nearly as addictive as the feeling of being spread apart by something so BIG and ALIVE-- the way it felt like the breath was being pulled from him when he was empty of the Batman's cock. 

A noise found it's way out the Joker's mouth with each downstroke and he hugged himself to the body he was seated on, chin over the Batman's shoulder as he finally shut the fuck up for a moment and started to come. 

There was no stopping the perpetual chase they had, the Dark Knight following right behind the Clown Prince of Crime. He pressed the side of his head to the man who was shaking on top if him, his breath choking out of him in sync with the bursts of semen leaving his over-stimulated dick.

This moment of peace, these few seconds where they panted together, shuddering as two beasts who had just unburdened one another would be the only grace Bruce Wayne would feel for some time, shuddering as the Joker lifted himself with a gasped breath from his lap and went dramatically limp against his body.

Or appeared to. 

His arms draped over the bound man's shoulders, the clown lifted his pleasure blown face up and pressed a kiss to Bruce's cheek, then closer to his mouth, grinning as the vigilante turned his head a fraction so their mouths could meet. 

And naturally, this was the time for the clown to make a _tsk_ sound as if remembering something and slid down to his knees on the floor. He was scuffing these $2900 shoes and he didn't give a damn. The only thing that mattered was the baffled look on Batman's handsome face as the Joker snaked out his tongue and licked up some of his spent seed from where he'd ejaculated on the Batsuit. 

Oh. 

_Fuck._

Bruce's eyebrows shot up as he stared at horrible tongue, that twisted, glorious, wretched face with its sinister grin as he went lower, lips grazing the head of the detective's flaccid dick and it made the restrained man jump, as much as he could. 

"Joker--" Was he could gasp out, mouth open like a fool as he watched the nearly naked man lap and lick life back into is cock, well, partially. There was an awful lot of detail, put into making sure that he'd gotten every speck of DNA off of that flesh. Hell, he could even taste some of the lube and the thought made the Joker grin a nasty grin up at the borderline struggling Batman.

Too much.

He was always too much.

Forever and always too much. 

 

Bruce's head hung back, unable to watch anymore-- his forehead was damp with sweat, his body was aching... He needed to get out of here and soon... but that was at the Joker's discretion. Batman felt the taller man pull off of his dick but still hadn't lifted his head, just lay back and he was a proper sight. 

The Joker still smirked, as he took a deep breath and vowed to commit the image of Bruce Wayne-- no Batman-- no, BOTH! of them, fuck flushed and tied to a chair, spent dick glistening with saliva against his barely bleeding thigh. Maybe there was a God... Hmm. He started picking up and replacing his clothing, slowly, still savoring the sight of the Batman, desperate to get his bearings back. 

As he tucked in his shirt, Bruce lifted his head, focusing his eyes with a blink and tiny upturn of his mouth caused the Joker to let out a low laugh.

_Goddamnit...._

When had he gotten so smitten with his Batman? How did it happen? 

Was it true that you could hate something so much to find yourself needing it? Desiring it? Or loving something so much that you wanted to destroy it?

Fingers fast with the buttons, the Joker moved closer, stepping between Bruce's spread legs and leaned down to palm his head, pulling his Batman's black hair back so he could bend down and steal a kiss. 

It was a kiss that they didn't need to speak of, they wouldn't be able to articulate what was being said regardless and when the clown pulled back, he licked at the taste of Batman on his lips and stepped back. 

"You owe me dinner." The Joker murmured, leaning down to pull at the basic bow-knot on the ropes restraining Batman and simply walked from the room, knowing that he would be given the moments needed by the still sitting in shock detective to start their game back up again. 

 

Hey, at least this time he'd gotten a kiss. 

 


End file.
